Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red! ' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I am God' sort of way. Gone were the days when she would stand on the deck lighting lemon-scented candles without then having to eat the wax.p28 Augusten Burroughs
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More Quotes By Augusten Burroughs
  1. If you have one parent who loves you, even if they can't buy you clothes, they're so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes and maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but never for one moment do you doubt their love for...

  2. Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.

  3. I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.

  4. Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth

  5. Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.

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